"OHH MYYYY GODD!!!!!!!!!!!"

The real issue of Middle Eastern women who live in the west is the "Oh My God" factor.

"Oh My God!" is that feeling that you get when you watch reality TV and it makes you feel better about yourself. You could have a bajillion issues in your own life, but when you see someone else with an issue, you are shocked and appalled! as if you could never be associated with such a thing "Oh My God!" and it makes you feel a little better about yourself deep down. This mostly comes from a dark place with that angry voice telling us we suck, and makes us desperate to find satisfaction in other people's misery.

When dealing with issues of women in Muslim countries, even the compassion that comes from some women in the US sometimes takes the form of "Oh my god!" I know, stoning is a savage idea and it's appalling. But when you say "Oh My God!" to make yourself feel better, it shows. It makes you seem not genuine, because it has that little bit of satisfaction that comes with disassociating yourself from such an appalling act. After all, it's not the human society who is committing this act, it's "them," it's those countries. When you think about domestic violence in these countries:"Oh My God!" It doesn't make you think about prevalence of domestic violence in the US. It doesn't make you say, "yes, we have the same problem, what can we do together to fix this?" Because you think there is something inherent about "them" that makes them more suitable for domestic violence,"the women must be sheepish and submissive, their religion makes it ok, their men are savages" but you sound so concerned: "Oh my god, those poor women, it's so preposterous!" as if it doesn't happen in your homes.

I have seen the effect of this "Oh my god" factor in the reaction of Muslim women who live in the US. Unlike those who live in Muslim countries, many of those who were raised here and live in the US want to keep quiet about issues of women in their communities and countries of origin (although not everyone). And I don't blame them; instead they have to put all their energy in trying to convince others that "hey we are people too! we are just like you, I swear." And they want to stay quiet about issues such as domestic violence, legal discrimination in family law, and things like stoning "No! that stuff doesn't really happen! Move along people, Nothing to see here!" An attitude which is equally terrible and makes those suffering and those who fight these crimes invisible.

The truth is that this "Oh My God" is not inherent to Americans. You might get the same shocked reaction from an average Iranian woman if you tell her that in the US women change their last names after marriage. Other people's weird things are usually more shocking than our own problems which we have learned to normalize or maneuver around. The thing is that there is this implicit superiority associated with people in the west which everyone has in the back of their minds. So this makes the flow of contempt more eastward than westward.

Anyway, we all need to learn to get over this otherwise most interactions between American and middle eastern women will be problematic. It's possible to support one another, it's possible to demand a stop to these atrocities in all countries. It's even necessary.

but we should get rid of these cries of "Oh My God!"